GOD BLESS

Dear reader,
The T.U.M.S Editorial Staff is pleased to announce the successful launch of T.U.M.S 4 and T.u.m.s 4.5, currently exclusive to meatscape distribution. If you wish to obtain a copy of these editions, you may request a print edition via “electronic mail.” You may also choose to wait until the much anticipated release of T.U.M.S 5, our upcoming Valentines Day edition, when PDF copies of these previous editions will be made available on this very website.

PLEASE email tumsthezine@gmail.com TODAY!

Our strategic data analysts at T.U.M.S H.Q have identified TUMS 4.5 as our most widely distributed edition yet, and we would like to thank our beautiful and intelligent printing and distribution staff at T.U.M.S H.Q in Ellensburg, W.A. We would also like to thank our slightly more handsome but somewhat less intelligent local minions who distribute copies of T.U.M.S abroad. However, the most thanks belong to our simply divine and nearly omniscient readers and contributors around the globe.

THANK YOU!!

P.S. The TUMS editorial staff would also like to apologize for last issue’s issue regarding onanism, sometimes called male self-stimulation by primatologists. We assure you our interest in this matter is strictly scientific.

GOD BLESS

Website updated 2/18/26 ARCHIVE